Turn that sucker, and make your friends feel like one

I think I'm on to something here.

I think I've perfected the procedure to prominently let a person know your pessimism about p-something.

Let's use an example here. A friend of yours is particularly proud - alright, alright I'll stop with the p-ing - of an object that they made sitting on their couch one lazy sunday afternoon, while reliving all those seasons of Ally McBeal. Some sort of invention, let's say a double straw, where one end allows you to take in milk, and the other which allows cocoa puffs to freely travel up towards ingestion. Brilliant, I know. (At this point for those of you concerned, no I did not successfully make this magical creation, but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying).

At any rate, unfortunately for your friend, you happen to be very mad at them for something they did last night - it just isn't cool to ask out someone's mom, unless she's particularly attractive and promises to pay for popcorn and even gets you Buncha Crunch at the movies. So you look at them, and internally you are aware that the double straw is the greatest innovation in the history of cereal technology (take that Cereal Straws!), but you can not, under any circumstances let your friend know that you approve, and more importantly let them think that all is forgiven, seriously... she's your mom.

So what do you do?

Well my spiteful friends, you've come to the right place for advice on how to make others feel bad.

Here is the secret to acting disgusted towards any hand held object. First, you make the face, the nose scrunching, eyebrows down-turned, half frown face. Then, you grab the object in a very specific way. Only pick up the object by your index finger and thumb. This is key because it makes any item appear worthless. And now, the piece de resistance. Holding the item in the manner that you are, stare at it, and then slowly turn your wrist.

Boom.

Turning your wrist will make your friend think you hate the object so much that not only will they apologize for their actions, but go on to shower you with love, and more importantly, money.

Try it out if you don't believe me. Just pick up anything close by your computers or web enabled mobile devices in the exact indicated manner and finish it off with the wrist turn. You'll freak.

To those of you who have plans to do this today, happy hatings, and if you would be so kind, share your experience with the amazing success of my method.

Take it easy you crazy B's,
Tapan Jones