Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Chicago Sports Sermon, as Delivered by Reverend Mike

Many people, who probably don't read very much, believe that the world will end on December 21, 2012. They cite some hocus-pocus theory about calendars and planetary alignment and Montezuma's Revenge, but what they've failed to realize is that the planets will align and time as we know it will actually stop on July 1st, 2010, and that all will be right with the world.

The implications of this date have been studied ad nauseum for almost two years now. On this most sacred of days, NBA free agency will begin. And let's make one thing perfectly clear: it will be written that LeBron James is a Chicago Bull.


Trumpet blasts will burst forth from the angels in the Basketball Heavens when he inks that new contract. Israel and Palestine will put down their guns and pick up their TiVos, too busy watching The Chosen One throw down in red and black to quarrel. Kim Jong Il will put down his portable, little red button and pick up a tumbler of sweet, sweet Hennessy to enjoy while watching the King. The Second Coming of Our Lord and Savior Michael Jordan will bring peace and contentment to the world as he rampages over the heathen Rondo's and Kobe's en route to 10 straight NBA titles.


With his trusty disciples Rose and Noah at his side, and bringing along his friend Bosh of Toronto, The Chosen One will bring the NBA title back home. Where it belongs. Can I get an amen?!


Be still, my flock, be still. I need not remind you that on this day we sit in the house Jordan built. O, and where He builds it, they will come. They will follow LeBron to the United Center, and he will thrill those loyal followers by throwing chalk in the air, and by blocking layups against the backboard, and by throwing down tomahawk slams. But make no mistake, friends, there will be lean times as well. He will take threes, and he will miss free throws, and he may even look disinterested at times. But do not lose the faith.

No, friends, do not lose that faith! For LeBron's arrival will come on the heels of a Blackhawks Stanley Cup. It will come on the heels of a magical Jonathan Toews postseason, in which the Hawks will have found their goalie, and after which Patrick Kane will finally shave his mullet! It will come on the heels of a Julius Peppers signing, and, lo, the Bears will have their quarterback! Fathers Urlacher and Briggs will once again roam Soldier Field together, and Chris Harris will be seen laying the wood as once he did in the Super Bowl! And who cares about baseball, really?
The world will be ripe for Chicago's taking, friends. Three teams, and, well, really only two realistic shots at dynasties. But still! The Wayward Bears will rid themselves of the curse of Lovie (*amen*), and they will right themselves shortly, for they have many solid pieces.

The future is bright. Revel in these times, and take nothing for granted. A better decade for Chicago sports may never be seen again.

All donned in jersey-robes.

Thank you, and may Jordan be with you.

*and with you*

Yours in Jordan,

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Future is Maybe Tomorrow

This is the point in the year where most sitcoms would do a clip show. People are generally a little more busy in their lives until summer gets fully back into swing. But we here at TCS would never subject our readers to large part because we don't have any recorded video to piece together, and ultimately finish off with a gag reel.

What we do have, however, is the next best cop out. Much like many of you new graduates, at some point this summer, the Sometimes is going to be making a life advancement. Let's break it down in what I'm calling "TCS: Preview edition!"

The three of us at the blog have just started to get the ball rolling on what the future holds. With a few ideas in hand, we sure would love to hear from the readers on what YOU want to see more of. But before we can do that, let's give a sneak peek of our deliberations.

(For the record, this is the most I'll ever feel like Steve Jobs, but instead of being dressed in all black, I'm dressed like an All Black.)

I'm also making the exact same face

Oh, before I go any further, I think it's in the best interest of the entire world to know that New Zealand's national basketball team is called the Tall Blacks. ( I know, right!

Okay back to business. Here's what we've been thinking about:

1) Making this a weekly blog.
With the amount of free time we'll be sure to have on our hands, why not write more often? People need to waste time all the time, not just every fortnight. Plus, this is going to open the exciting new possibility of....

2) More Writers

Currently on staff, there are two writers and a master illustrator. To keep the current trend of hearing from your favorite/least favorite only once a month, we'd need other people to fill in those gaps. The other two weeks will be treated as a veritable turnstile of opinions, news, rants, and interior decorating ideas. Alright, maybe not so much the last one, but that would be a great chance for you to tell the world about why they cannot live without those throw pillows in the den.
Just fabulous!

That's right, I said you! While there will be a small pool of contributors that post more regularly than others, the blog will boast the ability for any reader to submit a post at any time - male or female. Just send it in to our handy dandy e-mail address on the right panel of this page. Which, incidentally, brings me to my next point.

3) We'll probably be leaving Blogspot

A little while ago, we went out and purchased the domain name, and of course, we used Go Daddy. Who can resist that Danica? Growwwwwwl. Sorry.

Talking about it, we've decided that if we can figure out how to make a site that essentially mimics this one, just with better archives and a little bit flashier, that we'd be willing to make the switch. The only tiny hurdle is that we're about as good as Spider Man when it comes to web design. But once that's all sorted out, it'll be smooth sailing.

4) A few podcast style entries here and there.

This idea was suggested by a friend of ours (hi Sean!), and it just seems fitting. Considering the things we discuss here are of no real relevance, it'd be pretty fun to post little 15-20 minute conversations among peers every so often. Again, you're all fully invited to participate, and especially encouraged to e-mail conversation ideas.

You could be the next Karl Pilkington!

Well that's pretty much everything. Any ideas you do have, feel free to leave comments on here or send us e-mails if you want Tiger-esque discreteness. You can also talk dirty there, if that's what you're into.

So what do you guys think? Approve/Disapprove? Want us to keep things the same way, or are the ideas something you'd like?

Can't wait to hear from you kiddies,
Tapan Jones

The Future Through Tom's Glasses: Robocop, DeLoreans, and Air McFlys