Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Hot Dog, We Have A Wiener

After a long, arduous decision process, we here at TCS have sorted through the many impressive entries that were received for our 1st Annual Chicago Sometimes Blog Post Contest.

Let it first be said that every single entry we received was thoroughly enjoyable, and if any of our readers would like to see the following 3 of our favorite entries, either e-mail us at, or get in touch with one of our writers in any way you'd like.

Our consolation posts were (in no particular order):
The Deadly Side of Winter Safety by Sean Newlin
Winter Grounds - The Meaning of Life by David Wilson
Christmas Tree Robbery by Maria Pisani

Three great, great posts. Hit us up, and they'll be sent right to your internet-door.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for--I hope you're all imagining the America's Funniest Home Video stage with the spotlights making a venn diagram and the snare drum going off--our winner: Kevin Connors with "'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Chicago."


'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Chicago

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

The children were whispering, “I hate Jerry Krause!”

And out on the streets, there wasn’t a scare

‘Cept for Pat Kane who screams, “I paid the fare!”

But back home we wonder what could possibly go wrong

Then we realized who sings this song

Some country artist, or maybe two, or three

Either way, I wouldn’t go see them, not even for free

Finally you decide that it’s time for bed

"Jesus, this scotch is hurting my head"

The house is all set, waiting for St. Nick

But it doesn’t matter ‘cause this Bears team makes you sick

As your head hits the pillow, you sigh with some grief

This Jerry Angelo, he’s quite the thief

But all of a sudden, you hear a crash up above!

You jump to your feet, like it’s your first love

You sprint out the house and look to the sky

And ask yourself, "Who is that guy?"

It looks like some French dude from the IOC

Enraged you yell “Daley and Chicago will shit on your city!”

He scampers away, attempting to hide

But you know he’ll get caught, out on the west side

Back in your bed, you begin to dream

It's the 1990's, and oh what a Bulls team!

"On, Michael! On, Scottie, On Dennis and Toni!"

"And Luc! And Ron! And Phil ain't no phony!"

The night trickles on as you catch some rest

All curled up, in your very own nest

Off in the distance, the skyline glows with pride

Somewhere there’s Matt Forte, shuffling side to side

And then again you wake to a clatter

You run downstairs, not knowing the matter

And there you see him, dusting off his shoe

“Oh my, Santa, is that really you?”

His suit, his beard, they do not seem fake

Damnit, why’d I eat the cookies? What a mistake!

“Yes, son, and I’m happy to say that you made the list

I am here tonight to grant your Christmas wish”

“But Santa," you say, "how could you know?

This city’s sports pain is much more than just show”

“Don’t worry young lad, I know you’re all tired

That’s why tomorrow Lovie AND Vinny'll be fired!”

With that he stood and returned to his sleigh

And then he and his reindeer went on their way

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”


Kevin Connors

OH p.s. Tom Glass submitted a ridiculously awesome banner that we will be switching to in the new year. It is a sick work of art that will become an everyday part of the blog.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Christmas Comedy Classic


As many of you are aware, we here at the Sometimes are givers. Not like the creepy giver from The Giver who gave the gift of color tv’s – or was that hot Pleasantville Reese Witherspoon? – but more like the Tim Allen in The Santa Clause. Granted, there’s no contract written on a little 3 x 5 note card forcing us to do this, we were just feeling the spirit.

And in said spirit, let me unveil the following short blog post:

Readers, you’ve been extremely kind to us these past ten months – what with your constant clicking and all around internet buffoonery – and we think it’s time to re-gift the nice.

Thus, we’re announcing: The 1st Annual Chicago Sometimes Blog Post Contest
(The announcement was so important that we had to use both the gaudy italics And the bold).

So here’s the gist of it:

- Readers can submit 1 piece of individual or collaborative work
- It can be on any subject matter whatsoever, just keep in mind that
the winning post will be unveiled on December 23rd, 2009 (2 weeks
from today)
- Illustrations are not required, but are encouraged
- Anyone can apply – you do not need to personally know the TCS staff
- All drafts must be in by December 16th, 2009 (1 week from today)
- Writers and finalists will be notified of their status, and of edits,
secretly (to make it way more suspicious)

If no one ends up responding to this, we'll be really, really sad. But for the record, we've already had 3 separate threats for people that want to write.

That’s pretty much it guys – Merry early Christmas to all!
Tapan Jones + Mike Bogart

p.s. Tapan Jones just graduated college today, thus proving that the black man can make it out the ghetto.