He's kind of a Douche

"Depraved" is a funny word. It tends to be used where a simple "lewd" or "crude" would suffice. You see, that's the thing about depravity - it's not simply lewd, nor merely crude; it is the state of being which allows for lewdness and crudeness to even exist. Depravity is not a mode of moral corruption, it is moral corruption. Depraved people are Satan embodied; they are iconoclasts; they are the soldiers at Iwo Jima stabbing flags with pictures of boobs on them into the lurching, bubbling, pink, fatty stomach of an ever-strengthening movement to universalize "the moral." You don't use a word like "depraved" lightly. Tapan Jones is depraved.

I've been asked to introduce Tapan to the readers. Honestly, on the following pages, you'll probably find yourself enraged by his posts - enraged to the point that you want to stop reading. But I urge you, put down your mouse. He can't help it, he's just a bad guy. Do what I've done and accept him for who he is, in order to form a more perfect union between douches and us normal people. We the people, in fact. If Thomas Jefferson didn't want douches to be included, he would have said so. You know what? He was a pretty big douche himself. See? As I've just proven, even Thomas fuckin' Jefferson was a douche. If our great nation is going to survive these tough economic times, we must unite, man and douche, under the very confusing words of one of the Founding Fathers of metrosexualism:

"I guess I shoulda closed my eyes when you drove me to the place where your horses run free. 'Cause I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures of the jockeys that were there before me. Believe it or not, I started to worry, I wondered if I had enough class. But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it alright, and you say 'Baby, have you got enough gas?' OH YEAH. Little red Corvette, baby, you're much too fast. Little red Corvette, you need a love that's gonna last."

And with that, Tapan has already taught us a lesson. In the best of times, and in the worst of times, red Corvettes are like fuckin' cop magnets, so maybe you should consider buying a horse - those speeding tickets pile up quick.

You can expect... well, more shit like this to come from Tapan Jones and Mike in The Chicago Sometimes.

Yours in Christ,
Mike