Time to Be Self-Central

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Just a quick little note before we dive in to this bi-week's post. We at the Sometimes want to apologize for the unusual 4 week gap in between entries. Our writer (that's me!) had been focused on things that don't happen on computers, and finally got all of that behind him. Our artist (that's Tom!) has been waiting to draw up something new, so with that, let's get back to the action.

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Remember when Galileo got beat up for saying that the Earth revolved around the Sun instead of everything revolving around Pope Roman-name the Fourth? Being a man of science, I would have been quick to have The Lei Man's back in that tussle, but honestly, I think I'm finally starting to understand the position of everyone else.

Tug of World

Not that I'm a particularly selfish or ignorant man, nor have I ever shown a penchant for wailing on nerds, I can just understand - much like those early physicists - being the center of attraction. I hope you appreciate the gravity of that joke.

Double G was, in fact, correct. The planets in this solar system do orbit the Sun and not the Earth. Should have figured, what with the "solar" in the name and all. Anyway, we've accepted this fact and consequently have a much better understanding of pretty much everything. Hell, we set our clocks by it.

Which is actually what I've been waiting to get at for 3 paragraphs now. I've lived in and around the wonderful city of Chicago for a little over nine years. The people are swell, the weather is cooperative for 6 months out of the year, and the Art Institute is free on Thursdays after 5. It's just a great place.

But one thing has always upset me: Why aren't people up in arms about Central Time? You know, that whole thing where we're "an hour behind New York and two hours ahead of L.A."

I have always felt that CST should be what the rest of the timezones orbit around.

Something about the center of things just feels inherently right: The focal point in renaissance art, the fifty yard line on a football field, the spine of a book, and even where they cut your foot long sub. If any or all of these things were shifted slightly to the right, or "east", you wouldn't feel physically comfortable. Observe.

1st and Goal from the 50? Go Carolina Panthers!

Side Pony Girl: Even I think this is nuts

Imagine what it looks like closed.

When you look at a clock, you'll find that 12 is at the top, reigning supreme on everyone else. It's dead center. Having to do everything based on Eastern Time is like having a 1 at the top of your clock - who the hell wants that?

The biggest issue this causes is with confusion as it relates to TV Programming. While the advent of DVR and overall maturity may curb this problem for others, I'm championing the cause for people like me who have neither of those things.

I do appreciate having the last word in "9/8 central," but the time has come to abandon this strange scheduling announcement. Think of it like a bell curve, the meaty part is right in the middle. The central time zone is the everyman, so cater to our needs, and let the outliers do the math. Chicag-0 will be the middle integer.

You said it, brother. (Yeahhhhh!)

If all of this seems like a loose argument veiled in a general superiority complex that I think Chicago is better than New York or Los Angeles, then kudos on your cynicism, because that's totally what it is.

So here's to the bringing The G Man out of house arrest to fight for part two - Heliocentrism: This Time, It's Personal.

Onward to a future where the CST is the BST. In the mean time, the rest of the world can deal with Greenwich.

Clocking out,

Tapan Jones

[Art, as always, by Thomas Glass Jr.]