But then I get to thinking, you know, what would happen if she stepped on some uneven pavement, and she fell with the tuba and got stuck inside it? That probably wouldn't be very sexy at all. Probably just really noisy, actually. I'd have to leave the parade because it would hurt my ears--the girl struggling to free herself from the tuba, I mean.
When you stop to think about it, there are a lot of instruments that are much more arousing than tubas, and much more than you probably (hopefully) realized. So without further ado...
THE TROMBONE(R)
...Leon Phelps?If you've never been aroused by a trombone, I just don't know what to tell you. It's really obvious. First of all, what heavenly music they make! A little slice of heaven. Second, you're obviously blowing into the thing, and you're sliding that big metal piece back and forth like you're Charlie Sheen or something.
THE SAXOPHONE
Explanation needed? Probably.Besides sounding like sexophone, the saxophone is the tried-and-true staple instrument for smooth jazz-seducers. It actually even looks kind of sexy. I mean, you could do worse, if you were so inclined.
THE PLASMAPHONE
Oooooo.... hot.THE GLASS HARMONICA
You better believe Ben Franklin knows how to play the Glass Harmonica.You play it by wetting your fingers and rubbing them over the glass. No, really.
THE KEYTAR
Pure Sex.No other instrument so deftly combines the intimacy and warmth of a piano solo with the crotch-grabbing and spandex of hair metal in such a mobile package. Turn to the keytar if the object of your desire has a great affinity for horribly, horribly unattractive people.
On a funnier note, I'm sure you've all noticed the sweet new banner up top by now. A big thank you to Tom Glass for putting that together for us. If you'll kindly notice, each letter is taken from a different Chicago-themed thing. We'll post the key to what's what in the comments. What a guy Tom is!
Love,
Mike
The key, as promised:
ReplyDeletethe- Helvetica Neue, the typeface used for cta signage.
C- Chicago Theatre sign
H- cta L stop
I- UIC Flames
C- " "
A- ChicAgo Tribune
G- Smashing Pumpkins
O- Oprah Magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S- Throwback white Sox
O- chicagO from Cubs Road Uniforms
M- Metra
E- "
T- cta logo
I- Redeye
M- Garamond, typeface of TRUMP!
E- comEd
S- da bearS
cool banner!
ReplyDeleteBravo. The only sometimes post that rates above a boo-urns on the karnamometer. Yes, 'mike' (if that is your real name. Since mr.jones uses a pseudonym that is conveniently also his favorite counting crows song, I assume you also write under some sort of guise.) you single-handedly have earned the sometimes a 'this doesn't suck' rating. Congratulations to you and you alone!
ReplyDeleteKarna Johnson
Quit hiding behind the anonymity that the internet offers and reveal yourself you anonymous coward! Until said actions have been performed, I can only regard your opinion as that of a sissy britches wearing, bed wetting girly man (or manly girl, in which case the britches wouldn't be completely out of context).
ReplyDelete