Christmas Comedy Classic

Hey-team,

As many of you are aware, we here at the Sometimes are givers. Not like the creepy giver from The Giver who gave the gift of color tv’s – or was that hot Pleasantville Reese Witherspoon? – but more like the Tim Allen in The Santa Clause. Granted, there’s no contract written on a little 3 x 5 note card forcing us to do this, we were just feeling the spirit.

And in said spirit, let me unveil the following short blog post:

Readers, you’ve been extremely kind to us these past ten months – what with your constant clicking and all around internet buffoonery – and we think it’s time to re-gift the nice.

Thus, we’re announcing: The 1st Annual Chicago Sometimes Blog Post Contest
(The announcement was so important that we had to use both the gaudy italics And the bold).



So here’s the gist of it:

- Readers can submit 1 piece of individual or collaborative work
- It can be on any subject matter whatsoever, just keep in mind that
the winning post will be unveiled on December 23rd, 2009 (2 weeks
from today)
- Illustrations are not required, but are encouraged
- Anyone can apply – you do not need to personally know the TCS staff
- All drafts must be in by December 16th, 2009 (1 week from today)
- Writers and finalists will be notified of their status, and of edits,
secretly (to make it way more suspicious)
- ALL APPLICATIONS MUST be sent to thechicagosometimes@gmail.com

If no one ends up responding to this, we'll be really, really sad. But for the record, we've already had 3 separate threats for people that want to write.

That’s pretty much it guys – Merry early Christmas to all!
<3
Tapan Jones + Mike Bogart

p.s. Tapan Jones just graduated college today, thus proving that the black man can make it out the ghetto.

Thanksgiving for the Restivus

Since both of the blog's authors' Thanksgiving breaks start in the middle of the week, we figured we'd split this post. The first will half will be by Tapan Jones, and the second by Mike Bogart.

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I don't think I've ever seen a black person go shopping on Black Friday. This coming from a self-proclaimed seasoned vet, having made the transition from the Canadian Boxing Day (December 26th) to Black Friday seamlessly.

Regardless of the city I'm in, I almost always never see my brothas or sistas getting their shop on. (Don't worry, I asked the black community's permission before typing like this - plus, everyone knows I <3>

Here are the numbers that I've compiled from Toronto, Chicago, and New York, all jumbled together in the same data set -- so you know it's super scientific:

33% Latino

27% Indian

14% Asian

11% White (eastern Europe)

8% White (western Europe)

7% Hill people

Given all of our ingrained stereotypes about the aforementioned groups of people, and our love for bouncy words, I hereby propose that Black Friday be changed to Frugal as Fuck Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Tapan Jones

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Ever since I was a little tamale, I've wondered to myself: "What do they eat for Thanksgiving in Mexico?" I figured maybe they had a little chalupa action going on, maybe a Mexican pizza with cranberry sauce stuffed in the crust. But then, as I matured from tamale to enchilada to gordita, I realized just how stupid I had been. They have turkeys in Mexico!

You see, turkeys, as birds of prey, are indigenous to areas throughout North America and Mexico. Birds of prey are the ones that we prey on as omnivores, so we call them birds of prey. And they eat that kind of stuff in Mexico like in chicken tacos, except they call them pollo tacos. So anyways, by my logic, if they have chickens there, they must have turkeys, because birds of prey travel in packs. And who doesn't love a nice buttered up turkey on Thanksgiving! Yes, even Mexicans love them.

In conclusion, if you see a Mexican-looking guy tomorrow, just give him a little gobble noise and nod. You know what's up.

Love,

Mike