The Decline and Fall

It's been nearly ten years since our favorite television show, The Simpsons, put out anything that didn't make us want to vomit with rage. A recent conversation between the co-authors bore an idea: we could write a better Simpsons episode than anything since Season 11.

Consider this: In an episode from December, Mr. Burns won a basketball team in a poker game. Okay, not a horrible start, but not great. Then he sees Mark Cuban's antics and tries to copy them for some reason. Mark Cuban. Now you tell me, in a world of Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Bob, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, and Dr. Nick Riviera, what place does Mark fucking Cuban have? The plot would've worked just as well with The Rich Texan or Artie Ziff, even though they've exploited the hell out of that little nerd.

You see, that's where The Simpsons has gone wrong. It used to be that the writers would come up with intensely witty lines and references that were socially or historically relevant, but in a subtle way that wasn't THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE EPISODE. Celebrity cameos were brief (on the occasions that they were longer, the celebrity normally played a new character, not him or herself), no contemporary music was used, and there was much less of a "cheese factor", if you will. Now, they do just the opposite: unfunny, ridiculous plots, no wit, contemporary issues/people/music are used and are the focus of entire episodes, et cetera, et cetera. The whole thing reeks of a sell-out, and it's a damn shame.

It's as if Matt Groening pictures his target demographic as the guy that sits in front of his TV on his Jeff Gordon recliner with a bag full of Cheetos and an orange-stained Pikachu shirt like "DURRRR... MARK CUBAN YELLS A LOT!!!1!1" His now-elderly mother creaks up from her rocking chair and dabs the drool and Cheeto flecks off of her son's chins with a handkerchief. Tears well up in her eyes as she wonders where it all went wrong. "One of these days," she mutters under her breath. "One of these days."

Anyways, here's our idea for an episode:

Alarmed by a sharp decrease in productivity, Mr. Burns decides that in order to motivate the workers at the nuclear plant, he'll offer beer as an incentive. This plan works beautifully for a time and Mr. Burns reaps the benefits, but productivity soon falls even lower than it was originally because everyone's showing up to work drunk. Meanwhile, Milhouse sees an unexpected rise in popularity at school due to his dad's seedy new job.

See? It's that simple. With simplicity in mind, we'd like to hear some of your ideas for a new (but classic-style) Simpsons episode.

Comment away!

<3,
Mike + Tapan